I did it!

When I was younger I cared far too much about what people thought of me, it gained me friends but none of which I actually have now so none of it was actually worth it. I had one best friend who knew the real me, and funnily enough she is still my best friend today. Younger me would hide my reading obsession, I would be into everything that everyone else was into and I would act like they would. I drank because it was the cool thing to do, I smoked because everyone else was doing it and my conversations with everyone but my best friend was about popular “cool things” It wasn’t until I was 17 that I started admitting how much I adored books and how much I preferred them over other things. How I would much rather be at home with a book than stood in the park with a bottle of vodka. It lost me friends I was known as “boring” for a while. Funnily enough I didn’t dislike hanging out with my friends I had a laugh I had some good teenage years I have some memories I would like to erase and some I will cherish forever, that’s life. What I never understood is why do this group of friends I couldn’t do both? I couldn’t hang out with them AND love books. Apparently it wasn’t an option. So age 17 I started reading in public, on a bus,waiting for a bus,In a cafe waiting for food etc etc. Until one day I was on the bus coming home from a friends when two drunken men, they were in their 40’s decided it would be really funny to point out the fact that a girl was reading on the bus….the whole bus for some reason found it hilarious. I have never read in public since until today! I was sat in a pub waiting for my food when my Mr decided to go out for a fag leaving me completely bored and I picked my book up out of my bag and began to read, and you know what? Nobody even looked at me twice, absolutely nobody. Can you believe how much reading time I have been missing out on! So today I have f1f7bb4a125a02d9aa38ff8247ff1ca0conquered my reading in public fear, for me this is huge! Tomorrow it’s the going back to work after a week off anxiety fear! I am terrified god I hate anxiety!

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5 thoughts on “I did it!

  1. QuirkyVictorian says:

    Congratulations! Conquering a fear like that is always something to celebrate! Anxiety is the worst and can hold us back from living life in so many ways. This was a very inspiring post to read, thank you!

    Like

  2. 0mniessence says:

    I always find it interesting to read about what causes anxieties in certain people. I love reading books, and I’ve never had any sort of qualms about reading one in public, it seems like a pretty normal thing people do, and actually a lot of people come off as very intellectual to me if I see them reading in public.
    But the reason I’m pointing this out is because different people have anxieties about different things. I for one cannot eat in public. I dislike it very much. I get very anxious because I have to entertain my friends and eat at the same time, and that’s just uncomfortable to me; I don’t want to accidentally spit my food on them, or like be talking and have something stuck in my tooth without noticing, or have my friends be too close to me while O speak because I have ‘food breath’ (I want to talk to them AFTER I brush my teeth and rinse my mouth for fresh speaking breath). But yeah my point is so many people would be like ‘you’re weird’ because i don’t like eating with others, since it is such a normal thing to do, but it is a big deal to me. Just like reading in public (which does not seem bothersome to me at all) is a big deal to you. It’s all perspective . Here’s to you for taking the steps to conquer your fears! As for me, I’m still going home alone for lunch break xD!

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    • sammehwrites says:

      I only eat in front of people I know so so well else well people actually think I don’t eat as I refuse food….constantly! I think everyone has their triggers. Thank you lots! 🙂 I can’t stop smiling about it!

      Like

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