Life doesn’t wait

So, so far I have spent a month staring into space shaking uncontrollably and living in complete fear. I know what’s coming I’ve been told what’s coming and I’m getting the help I need. This unfortunately hasn’t stopped me from being terrified, crying, over thinking and googling. All of which we know are very bad for me. I know what’s coming but instead of spending this time doing this I enjoy I have deprived myself of things I like because I feel I deserve to be punished. The fact that I SHALL be punished for this doesn’t matter, in my mind I do not deserve to read, I do not deserve to watch anything I like and I do not deserve nice relationships (my Mr disagrees) I have attempted to not do Christmas but the family have put a stop to that one. I am upset about what I did, and how it affected others. I have been told yes I made a mistake, I apologised, I am putting it right and I will get a criminal record out of it. I don’t feel I can move on, I don’t feel like I deserve to. I am at a complete and utter loss but this is all my own fault


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